Mood Swings and Honesty

Preface:  This is meant to be funny.  While it is a sadly true tale, I don’t mean to criticize anyone, it’s just that the humor of my not good-natured thoughts is not lost on me.  I recorded many of my recent crazy thoughts to share, just to illustrate how hilariously ridiculous they were :-)

This may be a bit personal, but anyone who’s been around me much recently could probably tell you this already.  Since my surgery, I have found myself to be more…honest.  Not more honest as in, I no longer steal from the cookie jar, or whatever.  What I mean is that I kind of word-vomit my feelings now, even if they might be a little offensive.  Maybe it’s the idea that life is too short to bottle your feelings…or maybe its just brain damage. 

A professional at Smilow Cancer Center up here at Yale who reviewed my file and talked with me after I reported some odd mood swings and other emotional stuff, reminded me that my brain has been traumatized.  She compared my post-op brain with someone who has a Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI)! 

I immediately thought of poor combat veterans with TBIs who can become violent and erratic— Huh?!  Am I like that?? 

Maybe telling people, deadpan, that the things they are saying are “utterly ridiculous,” isn’t so bad of a side effect after all!  She reminded me that things are still working on normalizing, including brain-produced hormones and such.

I am trying to quell my Negative Nancy moments, and I do think things are improving.  I have so far been very successful in letting my Prefrontal Cortex delete the mean Facebook and Instagram and Pinterest comments I SO want to write.

Here’s an example of my Mean-Lady-Brain comments that have FOR REAL been in my head and I have stopped myself from writing:

You’re seriously still doing that summer camp job?  Don’t you think its time to grow up?

Is that honestly the best selfie you could come up with?  It’s hideous.

Nice cankles, homie.

Well, I can see that SOMEBODY didn't hire a wedding planner…

It’s a shame you don’t know how to dress yourself.

DAAAAANG!!  You must have gained 70 pounds since I saw you last!  Stress, much?

Why are you posting that crap about your emotions?  Fishing for compliments is immature, and nobody cares about your so-called ‘terrible day.’  Try having brain surgery and then tell me what kind of day you’re having. [That one I’ve wanted to write like 100 times…]

#SucksToSuck

And oddly, something as benign as food pictures can bring out the unfeeling fun-sucker in me…

“That looks disgusting.  I feel sorry for your gastrointestinal tract.”

“Learn to cook, moron.  My baby niece could have made that…better.”

“You must be from Utah, because nobody else in the country/world would concoct something so full of Oreo crumbs and barf and call it ‘baking’…let alone actually eat it.”

“Aaaaaand that’s why you’re so fat.”

 

Ouch, right?  (But seriously, what kind of dummy puts the word DIRT in the title of her dessert recipe?!?  Gross.  Just, no.)  I’m sorry for thinking mean thoughts about literally everyone I know, and so many people whom I don't know.  My brain made me do it ;)

But I could make an excellent online troll, no?